Monday, March 27, 2017

Talk About It Tuesday

It is the last week in March 2017 and I am still fat. I didn't think the weight would just fall off. I was just hoping that I would be farther along in weight loss goals in the month of March. January seemed like yesterday. Did I say that I am still fat? I wish I could stop stating that I am still fat, but I am. I recognize that me being fat is all my fault. This gives me no comfort and yet it does. I take comfort in knowing that I can do something about me being fat.

I look at this picture and I like it. This picture shows me exactly what I have been eating for over two decades. I am the person on the left. I see my doughnuts that I get from Krispy Kreme, my fries from McDonalds, and my pizza from Dominos. I glance to the right and see the avocados, carrots and the kiwi fruit that my friend Garrett loves to eat. I can actually say that I want to eat what is on the left and at the same time I know that I need to eat what is on the right. The more I stare at the picture, the food on the right actually looks more appealing. It looks better to my eyes, but my mind remembers how an avocado tastes vs. a doughnut. I just want to take a pill and be lean. I really want to be able to do this and then I quickly come to my senses, no I really don't.

I know that food is not the only factor when it comes to weight loss or even just merely having a healthy body, but it is a very large factor. I don't like to talk genetics or exercising. I can admit that I come from a "big boned" family and not many of us have ever exercised purposely. This is very sad and it has to change. What is the reservation with changing eating habits? I know that x is better than y, health wise. So why don't I simply make the switch? I have actually thought about this and I have come up with many answers and of course they are mostly excuses. I will offer one of my excuses, time. Time meaning time frame. I have to loose over 200lbs and I actually want to know the time frame for this weight loss. This seems to be a realistic request and on the other hand, is it? I actually have not changed my eating habits because I don't really want to and I really want to know how long I have to stop eating Krispy Kreme. Yep, I know that there is something wrong.

I know that when you want to start something new that you have to have a good mind set about accomplishing the change. You have to believe that you can do it. I know that I can actually eat a baked potato with no butter or that I can eat yogurt instead of ice cream. The problem is that I just don't want to do it. I don't want to eat broccoli; I want to eat fries. I hear myself say what I want and what I want does not line up with what I need. I have been slowly but surely gaining weight for the past twenty years. It was not until recently that I actually saw that I only wanted the end result, to loose weight. I never really focused on what it actually took to lose weight and keep it off. I can honestly say that I never thought about being healthy, I only wanted to look good. I never thought about how exercising helps the body as we get older. I have known that sugar is not good for your teeth, but I never really thought about the damage that it does to my body when I inhale it in large excessive quantities and numerous forms. This is where I am today, giving myself a thoughtful consciousness about what I mean when I say that I want to loose weight.

I really wish that I had had a thoughtful consciousness 150lbs ago, oh well. I am here now and my mind is trying to decide how to embrace steamed broccoli over corn on the cob with butter or baked tilapia over fried catfish. This is where my mind is with food. I just wanted to say it out loud and talk about it. Let me know what you think.

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